Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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