if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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