get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Less talking, more tequila
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
