my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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