Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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