Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
