I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
