She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
