if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
