I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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