if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say š
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
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