First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We named our party play list daddy issues
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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