I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
