hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
