I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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