Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
