I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Are we still banned from the library?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize