Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
