new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
