I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This baby is an asshole
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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