so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
