She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
