This is the prime rib incident all over again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
