id be glad to
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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