i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
