I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
