so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can I color on your dick again?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize