Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
