I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Drake has all the answers
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
