My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
