Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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