I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
