my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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