You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
