Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
