can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
