Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Im part way to drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
