I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
