i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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