omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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