im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
