Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
