Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
