I cockslap morals
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
