been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
