Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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