How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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