So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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