Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
