I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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