HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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