I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
