I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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