PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
