I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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