yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
