Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize