I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
