....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
