I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
