Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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