My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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