He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize