you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
