Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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