I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
