Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
