This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
