You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
