It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize