I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
