hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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