Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
