I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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