Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
