I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
