What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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