We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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