she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
