Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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