wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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