He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
