She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
