I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
