If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
