I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
