4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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