Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
