Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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