Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
nutella sex= disaster
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
