Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
