let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
