I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
