We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize