Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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