I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
