is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize