bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
