I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize